The old grey donkey, Eeyore stood by himself in a thistly corner of the Forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, “Why?” and sometimes he thought, “Wherefore?” and sometimes he thought, “Inasmuch as which?” and sometimes he didn’t quite know what he was thinking about.~
“If it seems as though you haven’t ‘felt at all how’ for a long time, look behind you. It could be that your tail is missing.” ~
“When your tail is missing, Remember you have every right to Mope.”~
“Having your tail recovered is well and good, but remember that it will have to be reattached. With a hammer and a nail.” ~
“When stuck in the river, it is best to dive and swim to the bank yourself before someone drops a large stone on your chest in an attempt to hoosh you there.”~
“Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily. “If it is a good morning,” he said. “Which I doubt,” said he.
“Why, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.”
“Can’t all what?” said Pooh, rubbing his nose.
“Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush.”~
“Very interesting,” said Eeyore. “I suppose they will be sending me down the odd bits which got trodden on. Kind and Thoughtful. Not at all, don’t mention it.”~
“I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on.”~
“So it is.”
“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”~
“Ah!” said Eeyore.
“He’s just come,” explained Piglet.
“Ah!” said Eeyore again. He thought for a long time and then said: “When is he going?”~
“Could you ask your friend to do his exercises somewhere else? I shall be having lunch directly, and don’t want it bounced on just before I begin. A trifling matter, and fussy of me, but we all have our little ways.”~
“And if Eeyore’s back snapped suddenly, then we could all laugh. Ha Ha! Amusing in a quiet way,” said Eeyore, “but not really helpful.”
“Well,” said Piglet meekly, “I thought -”
“Would it break your back, Eeyore?” asked Pooh, very much surprised.
“That’s what would be so interesting, Pooh. Not being quite sure till afterwards.”~
“I’ll give you three guesses, Rabbit. Digging holes in the ground? Wrong. Leaping from branch to branch of a young oak tree? Wrong. Waiting for somebody to help me out of the river? Right. Give Rabbit time, and he’ll always get the answer.”~
“But, Eeyore,” said Pooh in distress, “what can we – I mean, how shall we – do you think if we -””Yes,” said Eeyore. “One of those would be just the thing. Thank you, Pooh.”~”That’s right, Eeyore. Drop in on any of us at any time, when you feel like it.””Thank you, Rabbit. And if anybody says in a Loud Voice ‘Bother, it’s Eeyore,’ I can drop out again.”~
“They’re funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you’re having them.”~
“Hitherto, all the Poetry in the Forest has been written by Pooh, a Bear with a Pleasing Manner but a Positively Startling Lack of Brain. The Poem which I am now about to read to you was written by Eeyore, or Myself, in a Quiet Moment. If somebody will take Roo’s bull’s eye away from him, and wake up Owl, we shall all be able to enjoy it. I call it – POEM.”~
“That Accounts for a Good Deal,” said Eeyore gloomily. “It Explains Everything. No Wonder.”
“You must have left it somewhere,” said Winnie the Pooh.
“Somebody must have taken it,” said Eeyore. “How Like Them,” he added, after a long silence.~
“I’m not asking anybody,” said Eeyore.
“I’m telling you. People come and go in this forest, and they say. ‘It’s only Eeyore, so it doesn’t count.’ They walk to and fro saying ‘Ha Ha!’. But do they know anything about A? They don’t. It’s just three sticks to them. But to the Educated – mark this, little Piglet – to the Educated, not meaning Poohs and Piglets, it’s a great and glorious A. Not,” he added, “just something that anybody can come and breathe on.” Piglet stepped back nervously, and looked round for help.~
~”This writing business. Pencils and what-not. Over-rated, if you ask me. Silly stuff. Nothing in it.”~